Hi Guys.  Question came on the news.  Are you a Helicopter Parent?  And it got me thinking.  Sometimes I am, and then I think, sometimes I’m not.

Helicopter Parent.  You’ve heard it.  Many of us it seems are overprotective and controlling.  “They say” it can do real harm to our kids maturity and emotional development.  And, while I admit I’m no authority on this subject, I for one believe them.

According to many, including Dr. Peter Gray of Boston College, author of Free To Learn – Why Unleashing The Instinct To Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life, (not an affiliate) many of today’s parents are over protecting and over controlling their kids, resulting in a generation of college complainers and young adults unable to deal with ‘real life’.  Yikes.

It seems many of us parents need to “let them wander, play, fight, struggle, and even get lost and find their own way back home…” so they build confidence, experience the thrill of life, and learn they can handle it.  They don’t as many structured activities like camp, after school groups, and organized sports.  They need more unstructured play.

Fight?  Get lost?  Free time?  Yes.

Within reason.

Do I hover?  Sometimes.  I admit it.

But, as a kid myself, I ran all over the ‘hood’, showing up for meals and bedtime (when not in school), and that’s about it.  I suffered my share of skinned knees,  embarrassments, broken bones, lacerations, bullying, bruised feelings – and they hurt.  I also had to fight many of my own battles with school, grades, part-time jobs, friends, irritated adults, etc.  But, I also remember the thrill of the freedom, learning what worked and what didn’t, and the fun I had cavorting all over the place alone and with my friends.

And luckily, I’m still here…

But it’s not always that easy today…you and I know only too well it takes a split second for life to be turned upside down…just look at social media threats to our kids alone – yikes.  Not to mention stories of severe bullying, car accidents, school performance pressures, kidnappings, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual predators…

I think that’s why I feel just a little nervous when my seven and nine year old boys play in our front yard – wouldn’t it be so much better in our solidly fenced in back – where I can keep closer watch???  What if a stranger tries to grab one of them!  Or a bully comes by! Or they fall out of the tree??? 

Suddenly…I  hear the  “bupbupbupbupbupbupbupbupbupbupbupbup” of Airwolf’s blades rising on the horizon! (If you don’t know Airwolf – be sure to click on the link – you’ll get the picture).

…but me?  I clearly remember roller skating as a young child, around the quad at Wake Forest University (we lived close by), alone…annoying my share of college kids and professors, for hours (remember Xanadu?  Really dating myself here..).  Boy did I feel free as a bird.

And I never once thought of slipping in the street and getting hit by a car, or snatched by a kidnapper, or worried I’d fall and break open my helmut-less head.

Well I though of it a bit, as my mother coached me to be aware of my surroundings at all times, but I didn’t dwell on it…and neither did she.  No helicopter parenting back in those days…

I even remember one time a friend and I worked our way into Wake Chapel finding our way up – to the belfry!  I kid you not – we somehow found a way to climb up these back stairs, crawl across beams and cat walks, through little doors, slipping and exploring our way in the dark, until we ended up gazing through the metal vents at the very top of the steeple, at the city of Winston-Salem – with the giant bells directly above our heads!

I was maybe 12?  Sorry Mom…but it sure was thrilling!  And I made it (phew)!  And I made it through other stuff too…stuff we just won’t bother to reflect on here!

Fast forward to today. I have these two, wonderful, boys I would never want anything to happen to!  And I struggle every day, like we all do with how much to watch, and how much to let go.  I certainly don’t want to be guilty of ‘helicoptering’ to the point of doing unintentional harm aka Dr. Gray.

And believe me, I do doubt myself regularly…I mean, Joseph’s already had stitches.  By his EYE.  Twice!

One time he practically convulsed as he was strapped to a board at urgent care, covered with a pink paper sheet with just a hole for his eye, and stitched up while jerking and screaming “I’m gonna throw up!  I can’t breath!  Mommy help meeee!”  I definitely could have done without that horrifying experience…and perhaps avoided it altogether – if only I had been watching him more closely walk through my dining room, next to our sharp cornered buffet that I didn’t realize was right at eye height now that he’d grown…

Thankfully, he still lives.

Oh and then there was this summer when Jack gashed his knee open on his first day of overnight camp ever, and got six, shiny, stainless steel, staples shot into his leg, while squeezing the hands of two well meaning counselors he barely knew.  I wasn’t there!!!!

Instead, I was in agony, racing for two hours to find the obscurely located community hospital they had taken him to, only to get there and find he’d already gone – back to camp.  Oh why had I let him go???  I had a feeling something like this could happen!

But he lived too – and was pretty proud he handled it by himself.  Am I crazy?  Maybe.

But thankfully, I know it’s not just me.  I’m fairly certain you’ve had your share of heart stopping, anguishing situations with your kids…right?  And yet, whether by chance, luck, heavenly intervention, or possibly all three, we’ve made it (thank you Lord)!  Our kids are tougher (and we’re grey-er or is it gray-er??) for it.

And this is good – right?  Not helicoptering.

But what about the times we hear of those kids that don’t make it?  What about those?  Those stories make me just want to grab the whirly-bird control stick connected to my children and hang on for dear life.  It’s why I still sometimes have an overwhelming desire to fix their homework, stave off mean kids, keep them home, and protect them from everything under the sun morning, noon, and night.  I know it’s totally unrealistic and somewhat unhealthy – but even so, I find I can at least lean that direction at times.  You?

Yep.  Raising kids is one tough job.  One tough, amazing, fulfilling, exhausting, confusing, anxiety laden, hilarious, rewarding, job.  And it’s my favorite – by far.  I mean if you can raise a child into a healthy, happy adult – I think you can do anything.

And I confess my kids are in the front yard, climbing trees, and running down the side of the street these days with their friends and not me – just NOT all over town.

And sometimes, they don’t do their homework…GASP!

And for me, that’s within reason.  And all of today’s life’s uncertainties, which continually nudge me towards helicopter parenting tendencies…I’m fighting to keep them at bay.

Within reason.

What about you?

So it was our 12th anniversary this past weekend.  Jason and I were lucky enough to be able to celebrate it with a weekend trip to the beach.  Alone.

It mattered not that it rained the whole time.  It was our first trip alone, sans kiddos, in NINE years.  Count them – 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8……9YEARS!

That’s three thousand, two hundred, and eighty five days!

From those in my immediate circle, that’s practically unheard of today!  “You seriously haven’t been away together in nine years?” is the most frequent comment we received.  “Wow.  You need this!”

And we did…and boy were we psyched!!!!!  Bring on the champagne baby!

The best thing about our trip?  Well, besides being alone together, was just how easy the whole trip was.  Two adults = less packing, less noise, less commotion, less mess, no whining or fighting, minimal clean up.

How did we spell relief?  N-O-K-I-D-S!

But, know what the worst thing about our trip was?

Yep.  No kids.

We missed them.  Terribly.

Now don’t get me wrong…it was great to have time just the two of us together.  We slept in – well in between the slew of morning texts from our early rising seven year old.

But wait – we also got to go out for an amazing celebratory dinner with our even more amazing friends (we love you Troutmans!) to Kathryn’s Bistro and Martini Bar (not an affiliate, but try it!) without having to hurry home to relieve my mom or a sitter.

We photographed the unbelievable coastal flooding of our dock where the water was well over our feet making it look like we were miraculously walking on water.

We sipped our piping hot, freshly brewed, coffee leisurely in our pjs as we gazed out our picture window at an enormous brown heron wading in and eating huge fish from the pond.

We enjoyed a romantic evening walk on the beach reflecting on the wonder of our marital journey up to this point and guessing, planning, dreaming of where we’ll go from here, as the emerald waves crashed onto the sand…

And like everyone said, it was so great without the kids for a while…

Until…sigh.

I happened to glance into their room, that for once had remained perfectly decorated and in tact – no loom bands or legos strewn about.  There was no messy bed, no dirty, wet, sandy, clothes that needed picking up…

Then, I heard their brave little “Mom, I really miss you” voices over the cell line…

Then, I missed their robust, two arm, nightly kiss/hugs that can go on for-ever…”just one more Mom, just one more!”

Their passionate thrill of greeting each new morning and sharing in their daily delightful life discoveries.

And I realized again that they’re growing up way to fast.  And we have a very finite time with them as children.

Every day we’re apart, is one day less we get to be with them – as children.  And the day can’t be made up or ever come back.

And one day, as fast as these nine years have flown by, another nine will.  And my darling Jack will be off to COLLEGE.  Joseph will be DRIVING (brace yourself world!!!).

And that’s about it.  We’ll be on the road to our commotion-less, mess-less, noise-less empty nest.  And all the childish giggling, snuggling, playing, laughing, wrestling, bickering, crying, growing, hectic race we call raising children will be done.  Then what?

I don’t know.

But whether we end up traveling millionaires (ha!), or win the volunteer of the year award for some great cause, or run for some political office, or spend our time entertaining our friends and family, nothing – no nothing we do will ever bring back 9 and 7 year old Jack and Joseph.  And I painfully realize we’ll never chase 4 and 2 year old Jack and Joseph around again, or 1 and 3 or…well you get the point.  And I’m oh so reminded of just how precious these childhood days, weeks, months, and years truly are.

Which may be, for us, the biggest benefit of our anniversary trip in the end.

And we’ll travel again one day I’m sure.  But more often than not, it’s gonna be with our kids.

While we’re still lucky enough to have them.

 

 

 

 

“She sells seashells by the seashore…” Well I’m not exactly selling them actually.  Just collecting.  And with my collection I made my first ever ‘Coastal Decor’ wreath.

Hmm.

Actually, if you must know, it’s my first homemade wreath. Ever. (And it probably shows, but you’ve gotta start somewhere) :o)!

Oh sure I’ve bought them before, but this is my first stab at making one.  And let me just say that that’s because of a very good reason – crafts and me do not really belong together.

As many of you may well know, my OCD tendencies just can’t seem to stand what my strange mind considers “the mess” that typically comes with making various crafts.

I mean even when I was in elementary school (over 100 years ago), the art room – with it’s paint stains, it’s dried clay smeared on the kiln, the dried and flaking glue spots stuck on the desks and floor, the drippy, sticky, paint brushes and mixed up paints, the boxes of dusty, broken, colored chalk, the plethora of half used crayons, ribbon remnants, and left over pieces of various fabrics, and the overwhelming smell of whatever it is that an art room smells like, gave me a case of the anxieties and a colossal headache!

So…with my particular, peculiar, brain you can see that for a girl like me…this was a bit of an unexpected attempt to express my own particular brand of creativity.

I mean have you used a glue gun lately?  What is with all the sudden globs and stringy stuff that gets all over the place.  Geez.

That being said…let me tell you how surprised I was to find – GASP – it was So. Much. Fun!  Maybe, just maybe, one can teach an old dog (me) new tricks!

From whence did my inspiration come you ask?  I mean, with that much pent up anxiety what on earth could possible inspire me to undertake a…gulp…craft?

Well, Emerald Isle of course!

My oasis of happiness and relaxation, where crazy ideas I’d never fathom in my regular life enter my mind and seem…well,

Doable!

So the wreath idea came from a scruffy little island that floats in the middle of Bogue Sound that you can see directly from our deck – aptly named Shell Island.

See it there?  It’s the little island on the right, behind the sailboat?  With the white sandy beach wrapping around it???  Shows ya about how far we have to paddle…Not bad!

Give ya one guess what we collect there…yep.  Shells.

And hermit crabs, and blue crabs, clams, oysters, and sometimes we’re even lucky enough to see dolphins swim in pods right by us as we canoe or kayak over to collect our booty.   We actually saw a mother and baby come up out of the water and look at us one time.  It was AMAZING, but I digress.

So anyway, it takes only about five minutes or so of paddling time depending on the tide and our family loves to haul ourselves over there to wander aimlessly around exploring for unexpected sea treasure, and reveling in the freedom and simple bliss of unstructured and relaxed family time.

The boys roam like wild ponies racing from one end of the island to the other – free from all the rules and regulations of their normal day to day school lives. They delight in exploring the little island, finding its random treasure, and nearly explode with excitement when the Top Gun type military jets fly right over us practicing their maneuvers. It’s like our our own, personal, air show and I can’t help but hum “…cause I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free…”

Hi guys!  Go USA!

Dixie, our lovable Golden Retriever, also eats this place up – literally sometimes – as she gets to wander off leash wherever she chooses to go, digging up curiosities she finds in the sand.  We love hanging out on the ‘shelly’ beach edges watching the boats go by on the intercoastal waterway waving to the sailors and seagulls like they’re old friends.

And it was on our little excursion over to Shell Island this past April, that the kids and Jason and I snagged another bunch of pretty scallop and other (I have no idea what) shells to add to our treasure collection. Routinely we purge these collections after their initial sparkle wears thin and they fall prey to my “get rid of all this stuff” mannerisms.

But this time (for some unknown reason) was different, and so we brought them back to the canoe, squashed them between the five of us, and took them back up to our place, where they were immediately plunged into soapy warm water to wash and were committed, by my firm declaration, to some sort of craft keepsake to further personalize our little beach pad.  We dried them on the deck, piled them into a ziploc bag, and happily drove them four hours back to Winston Salem.

And a few weeks later…Ta Da!  Here’s the craft keepsake!  What do ya think?

A wreath for our front door, our wall…our something.  And there was nothing to it but a little beach fun and a glue gun, a $5 grapevine wreath, a couple purchased starfish, and a big bow from AC Moore (not an affiliate link – just where I actually went) and voila!

I actually did it.  Not so hard Laura…geez.

So now, I’m gonna load it up carefully and bring it back to the beach with us to display.  A little touch of what I’ll playfully call Laura’s Choice Coastal Decor, chock full of Happy Kubicki Family Shell Island memories…

That’s it for me y’all!

Tell me, have you tried anything new lately?  Crafts or otherwise, I’d love to hear it!  Just scroll down and comment, comment, comment if it suits ya!

And thank you, thank you, thank you – for reading.  Seriously.  And please share lauraschoice.com with your friends if you like ’cause you can never have too many friends!

Don’t forget to come back soon either, cause I always, ALWAYS, miss ya!!!

 

Hello Everybody!

Well it’s post Mother’s Day and I wanted to check in on all of you Moms to say I trust you felt celebrated, appreciated, and all the other “a-teds” a mother should feel on that day!  I know from all the FB postings and what nots you joined me in receiving your share of special brunches, lunches, dinners, cards, flowers, spa days, and what have you from your adoring first priorities and loves of your lives.

This was one of my favorite gifts.  I received it from my nine year old son Jack. He made it at school, and gave it to me Monday morning after giving me his card and gifts on Mother’s Day.  He was a little bashful and embarrassed for having forgotten it on Sunday.

“I love you more than anything Mom” he said

…and he purposefully walked into the kitchen through the hubbub race we call Monday mornings, and quietly and shyly presented it to me, complete with a warm, full, two-arm, Jack hug and sparkling blue eyes that he got not from me, but from his Dad (mine are brown).

And I’m sharing it with you because of all the lives you light, including mine.

I hope you had a very Happy Mother’s Day.  Keep letting that beautiful light of yours shine…